Rolling with Changes during COVID
I usually make it a point to let my experiences breathe a little bit before I write about them, but I think this is something that needs as much addressing as possible: How do we adapt to new or changed circumstances when our outlets, exit ramps, and side distractions are completely washed away by a nasty world pandemic?
I saw this most recent change coming at me, and so I maneuvered left to right. "Let's try X" or "Let's look forward to Y!" But it was uniformly coming for me, and of course, at the most inopportune moment (i.e.- I was about to go work on my magnum opus report, which got nastily sidetracked by the event; multiple phone calls ensued to friends who love me and are thus cool with the half-blubbering, hysterical me on the other line. I took a day of personal space instead.)
As a barre instructor, it's my job to be as flexible as possible - both in my body composition, as well as with people's schedules. In fact, every job I have ever had has politely demanded that I be as flexible as possible - so, I've got that down. But my endeavor to be the most flexible person on the planet has led me to respond in a weird way when I see a potential "negative outcome" coming head on. I maneuver left to right, as if trying to get out of its path.
I have come to realize that I hate failure so desperately, or what others could perceive as my failure to ever fucking X, that I do whatever I can to make a situation in which X could potentially happen, work. "Let's try Y" or "Let's look forward to Z!"... and, "I know I can be ABCDEFG, but I'm working on that."
"Don't fucking make excuses for being a human being, please-- and really don't if you have good reasons to be ABCDEFG because you're not walking charmed throughout life and work."
I say this to myself, but I know it's partially a cop-out. At 42, I still have vital work to do to on me, which is more important than getting to experience the magical dumpster fire of whatever X really, truly is ;) .
But here is some good news: Honesty with yourself and others comes with more immediate consequences than a delayed or beleaguered, unraveling story wrapping multiple lives around it as it careens towards eventual destruction. Everyone's truth will come out eventually, it just differs in how many others it will take down with it. The adage "no pain, no gain", could work here - or more clearly, if you are 100% your authentic self with others, you may get hurt now, but this universe will reward you with better times later.
This is a moment in which we can writhe in pain and suffering knowing that in some way, shape, or form, good things will happen next. Maybe not on a grand societal level, but for ourselves, the tables can and will turn. It is the yin-yang balance of suffering which always swings in the opposite direction if we allow the energy to do so.
You don't have to be overwhelmingly positive, you just have to be your authentic self - and through this, YOU will direct all of the stars to naturally align down your own path.